Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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