I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
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I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
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I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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