it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
