We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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