I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
