you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
