i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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