I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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