After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize