you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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