dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
