I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
