I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
