true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
