After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I need to calm my uterus...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize