my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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