Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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