Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.