I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
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She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.