Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..