pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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