I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good