I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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