i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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