i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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