This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
