Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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