she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
