apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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