Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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