That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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