So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
