i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Sext me about skeletons
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
