Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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