I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
