and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My breasts were aching with rage.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
