Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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