i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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