i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
