Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
