the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
