Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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