Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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