I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
