Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
