I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
