i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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