i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize