I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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