He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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