Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
