she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
