you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
