idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
