You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
