I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
