I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
