They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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