i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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