dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
