Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
