Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
