I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
