I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
