She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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