I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
