Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
